Big-wave surfer “groomed, drugged and sexually abused by a family friend” as a tween finds solace in riding fifty-foot waves, “Do whatever you like to me. I surrender. Maybe I will die.” – BeachGrit

Big-wave surfer “groomed, drugged and sexually abused by a family friend” as a tween finds solace in riding fifty-foot waves, “Do whatever you like to me. I surrender. Maybe I will die.” – BeachGrit

Surfing saved me from the dark side of the night.”

The Portuguese big-wave surfer Joana Andrade, a tiny five-two in Havs, but relentless hunter and slayer of Nazaré rhinos, is the star of a documentary set for cinema release called Big vs Small. 

It’s a wild story in a sport that has its fair share of ’em.

Andrade was the first woman to tow Naz’s lethal jack-in-the-box peaks, pre-Maya Gabeira etc, and came to surfing after being drugged, groomed and sexually abused by a family pal when she was twelve.

Surfing saved me from the dark side of the night,” she says. “We hold many fears inside us from which we cannot free ourselves.”

The film detours into Andrade’s breath-holding training with Finnish freediver Johanna Nordblad.

You might’ve already seen Nordblad in the Netflix documentary “Hold Your Breath, The Ice Dive”where she tries to hit a world record for distance travelled under the ice-pack with one breath.

Two epic women sucking air and disappearing into the inky black, under a ceiling of ice.

A helluva long way from the Ments or the Pacific splendour of Tahiti.

“Do whatever you like to me,” Andrade say. “I surrender. Maybe I will die.”

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Hawaiian big-wave superstar dubbed “world’s smartest surfer” lists million-dollar North Shore loft with golf-course frontage for rent, features “incredible amenities” including TV, couch and ceiling fans! – BeachGrit

Hawaiian big-wave superstar dubbed “world’s smartest surfer” lists million-dollar North Shore loft with golf-course frontage for rent, features “incredible amenities” including TV, couch and ceiling fans! – BeachGrit

As well, “table and chairs for dining”!

It is difficult not to ladle superlative upon superlative when describing Nathan Florence, the middle brother of that storied clan, which also includes his two-time world champion and Olympian brother John John and little bro, the skate shredder Ivan.

Nathan Florence, who is twenty-eight and named after the son of the Hebrew King David, is widely regarded as the “world’s smartest surfer”, which ain’t much, I know, a very shallow pool indeed. Like the best white linebacker in the NFL or best Jewish sprinter or wielder of the biggest sword in all of Thailand.

Still, how many pro surfers were gobbling novels when they were six and who’ll reference French author Guy Sajer’s seminal wartime novel The Forgotten Soldier?

Nathan is the the most engaging of the three brothers, and gets his quirky, literary side from his Daddy John, I think, who wrote in his tell-all memoir eight years ago.

“I am natural flirt. I enjoy making people smile, chuckle, laugh. I am very sexual by nature. I was raised that way. I have always enjoyed the whole sexual innuendo sort of suggestion in general conversation. Something that would make a person raise an eyebrow while giving a sly knowing smile back. Very sexual in every way to a fault or not, I am not sure but this is simply how I interact with everyone from passengers at my tables to coworkers, friends and girlfriends.”

Anyway, Nathan has listed his gorgeous North Shore condo at the Kuilima Estates East community, four miles east of Pipe.

The two-bedroom loft was designed “provide guests with an elevated design aesthetic with a feel-good comfortability.”

The gorgeous North Shore of Oahu! A dream come true!
Simple but luxurious loft bedroom.
Many subtle tones and textures.

The amenities, writes its famous owner, “are incredible. It features a television, large sectional couch, free Wi-Fi, ceiling fans, air conditioning, table and chairs for dining, and a day bed. The kitchen is fully equipped and features a stovetop, dishwasher, water dispenser, Keurig coffeemaker, microwave, plates, bowls, cups, and utensils. Furthermore, in the community there is a pool, charcoal BBQ area, tennis courts and gazebo.”

Book it for nine days over Christmas and it’ll cost a reasonable seven thousand American dollars.

Inspect, book, here.

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Dirty Water: Breakthrough big-wave surfer Mason Barnes on riding a 126.5-foot wave, “When it came in it looked terrifying. I almost didn’t go!” – BeachGrit

Dirty Water: Breakthrough big-wave surfer Mason Barnes on riding a 126.5-foot wave, “When it came in it looked terrifying. I almost didn’t go!” – BeachGrit

How to wrangle and kill rhinos!

Today on Dirty Water we introduce a new interviewer, the wildly Australian ex-pat Ben Mondy who lives, paradoxically, amid the bucolic loveliness of England.

Despite the naked skull, piggish eyes and sanctimonious voice Mondy has an every-man appears that electrifies the interior of any room.

And, as a journalist, he towers over me and Chas.

His guest is the North Carolina surfer Mason Barnes who shattered the mythical 100-foot wave barrier at Portugal’s Nazaré one month ago.

The mathematics are simple.

Mason Barnes is 6’2” inches tall.

In his crouch on this wave he is 5’ 5” inches tall.

From crest to trough the face of this wave measures 23 units of Mason’s crouching height of 5’5” inches.

23 X 5’5” = 126.5 feet.

Wild etc.

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